Perfect happy life. NOT.

Some times I feel like no matter where I am I will always have this fear of people. I have problems trusting that they love me that they care. Maybe it’s because I have been hurt to many times. I know people get mad, I know people express themselves in different ways. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am terribly uncomfortable around ill feelings. Truly if given the chance I for the most part do what I can to fix, or change the situation. I don’t mean to be mean, or ‘bad’ I just make mistakes, and I try all the time to not be in anyway troublesome. It’ not what I want, for people around me to be unhappy. I feel like Kitty from that 70’s show sometimes. If you’ve ever watched the show then you may know what I mean. She always wants every one to be happy, and okay. I have that problem too. I know that life can’t always be happy, but I wish it could. I wish I could be perfect to those around me, so that I won’t get into hopeless situations that I can’t fix. It breaks me inside sometimes. If only I could have a way to avoid the hard emotions in life. But I can not. So I just hide or run away, because that’s all I know how to do.

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Published in: on November 8, 2011 at 12:51 am  Leave a Comment  

Thanks for nothing.

Why do I let people walk on me? Why am I trampled on so often? How come i get forgotten and lost in the crowed? Why is it mostly Christians who do it? Maybe I’m just being a downer. I have learned though, that one thing is true, so true it cuts through flesh and blood, carves away on bone too. People always let you down. One person, i thought never would do. I saw the best in him, i aw a leader which I needed badly, i found a friend when i felt friendless. My life was in light when he came around. I loved him like a big brother, and looked up to him, tried to see things his way, and understand why he was so good. I found the answer in God, he placed everything on God. All the good things he did. I once said he was like a heater, warming the room with his personality. But I found out much to quickly that people let you down. I guess you could say I’m writing this to him, hoping he’ll read it, then finally get what I’ve been saying.  Which is hard to understand. But the over all picture is this, I felt rejected and ignored. Over and over. school, friends, girl. I finally let go, and now, when I really could have used support, and friendship, in the name of God, where are you? I suppose I should just chalk it up to the idea that maybe i was just a job to you, not ever really a friend or anything more than a responsibility. So here’s my final thought on it. Goodbye, good luck, and thanks for nothing.

Published in: on November 7, 2011 at 3:58 am  Leave a Comment